Nothing to fear but...

"I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection. 'Tis the business of little minds to shrink, but he whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves his conduct, will pursue his principles unto death." -- Thomas Paine

Fears: We all have them. We may not want to talk about them, and we may not want to admit it to ourselves or others -- but fear has a real presence in our lives. Of course some of the fears we have are justified and help warn us or protect us from impending danger. The trick is to carefully separate the healthy fears from the unhealthy. Let's define an unhealthy fear as something that is holding us back or in some way preventing us from achieving the goals and dreams we've set for ourselves. Collectively, these fears can form what appears to be an immovable mountain and force us to camp in the valley when our destiny lies on the other side. Over time, we may stop recognizing them as fears and start believing them to be fact.

Faulty assumptions, limited beliefs, past experiences and failures, and those precious sacred cows can cloud our thinking and produce uncertainty, anxiety, and to some degree or another -- fear. The question is; how do we react? Do we come from a place of strength or weakness -- fear or faith? Do we as Thomas Paine says, shrink in mind and heart, or gather strength from our distress?

There is a great scene in the movie, The Replacements in which a team of previously unsuccessful or marginalized football players have a new opportunity to play professional football -- a second chance. When the coach surfaces the subject of "fear", the obvious answers come in the form of spiders, bees, and bugs. That is until the team's leader uses the metaphor of quicksand and how easy it is to get stuck in it. "You're playing", he says. "You think everything is going fine -- and then one thing goes wrong -- and then another, and another. And you try to fight back, but the harder you fight the deeper you sink. Until you can't move, you can't breathe; 'cuz you are in over your head -- like quicksand." Like fear? Sound familiar?

How often have we played on the field of our business or occupation and had a similar experience? How about in our personal lives? In spite of our best efforts, we will have setbacks, failures, and maybe even a few crushing defeats. Fear takes over and suddenly we are shrinking in mind and heart as we feel ourselves sinking in the suffocating quicksand. We may lose our confidence in our decision-making. Worse yet, we may lose trust in ourselves and others. In order to avoid the pain, we stop moving in the direction of our dreams and begin to rationalize our behavior and even tell ourselves a new story. "Maybe climbing isn't for me", we think. "Maybe I'm meant to be a successful camper. Maybe, I'll just stay right here." So, we quit. We may not call it quitting, but a deep search of our heart and conscience reveals otherwise.

Facing down our fears is never easy; if it were, everyone would do it. But, if we're ever going to do or be anything of significance, we need to leave our comfort zones, face our fears, and systematically conquer them. With courage and resolve it can be done. So how do we do it?

1. Admit to our fears and identify each one.
2. Get clarity on exactly what we are afraid of and why.
3. Check the validity of that fear and see it for what it is -- an obstacle to be overcome.
4. Get a clear picture of who we are and what we are when this fear no longer has a grip on us. Use all five senses to bring this new picture into focus.
5. Take one small step in the direction of your fear, and then another, and another. Stay focused on your new picture and watch as it slowly comes to life with each small victory.
6. Celebrate your successes and mark the milestones of your journey over the mountain. Be humble and acknowledge those who have helped and inspired you along the path.
7. Share your story with others. Your journey is not merely about you. It is about the people, perhaps the many people, you will help guide and direct.

Fears: We all have them. The question now is: What will we do about them? Will we "gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection?" Or, will we shrink in our hearts and in our minds. The choice is ours. There is a price to pay for courage, but perhaps an even bigger price to pay for cowardice.

This article can also be found on LinkedIn.

About the Author: Terry Crouson is the Owner and Head Coach at Silver Coach Solutions, LLC and is currently doing business as The Growth Coach of West Metro Detroit. He is dedicated to helping business owners, executives, entrepreneurs, sales professionals, and self-employed professionals find their way by finding their why. He is a highly respected business coach, speaker, facilitator, and community builder. Terry is certified in the Strategic Mindset Process, and is also a DISC Certified Behavioral Consultant.

Gratitude: 9 Qualities That Spell It Out

Gratitude: The quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness. -- Oxford Dictionaries

At this time of year, we tend to hear a lot about thankfulness, appreciation, and gratitude. Although, these attributes should be in practice on a daily and year-round basis, it is only natural for us to be more reflective in this Thanksgiving Week. So before we get head-long into the celebration, let's take a moment to reflect on nine qualities that help usher in the spirit and the practice of genuine gratitude.

1. Genuineness: It is hard to truly see gratitude working in our life and in the lives around us if we are not genuine in who we are, what we stand for, and who we stand with. Think of it as the real you; that person who is so easy to lose touch with, but who speaks in a soft voice to often call us back to who we are and hopefully to the unique person we are created to be. The uniqueness of who we are and what we can be is reason enough to be thankful. Are we expressing it?
2. Reflection: How much time do we spend in silent reflection? How often do we get quiet and still enough to step outside of our own thoughts and recognize the presence of others and the role they are playing in our lives. People and events are often part of a bigger picture. How will we ever recognize their real significance or express real appreciation if we don't step back and look at the entire canvas?
3. Awareness: We often hear the term "being in the moment". What does it really mean -- and why is it so difficult to practice? We live in a world of constant distractions. The emergence of social media and its integration into our smart phones has an inevitable pull on our thoughts and our attention span. We agree to go to meetings, classes, and workshops, and somehow cannot resist the temptation to look at our electronic pacifiers. It might be a client, it might be a prospect, it might be.... But, is it? Really? Somehow we think we'll miss something good when the best thing we can be doing is probably right in front of us. Being in the moment is to be aware of your surroundings and what is being said, and not said. What did you do before you had a smart phone? Did you survive and even thrive? It is hard to be thankful for what is right in front of us if we insist on being somewhere else.
4. Tactfulness: It's been said that if the only tool we have in our toolbox is a hammer, then everything, and maybe everyone, looks like a nail. Is pounding the "truth" into someone an effective relationship tool? There is an old story about a wager made between the sun and the wind to see who could make a traveler remove his coat. The wind took the first turn and blew hard and strong until finally he was completely exhausted. As the intensity of the storm and rage increased, it only caused the man to hold on to his coat tighter and tighter. Finally the sun took a turn and with increasing warmth he caused the man to gladly remove his coat. Appreciation will seldom come in response to a beating, but it can be the product of a gentler, more tactful approach.
5. Interest: How much do we know about the people in our circle of influence? How much do we want to know? Often, we are told that if we want to influence people we need to act interested. Why the act? Why can't we actually be interested? An overactive self-focus can blind us to the needs and attributes of others. When the world is all about us, it is difficult to see the uniqueness of others. When we attempt to employ tactics and tools we are spotted for what we really are -- a phony and a hypocrite. Ouch! Think about it for a moment. What type of person do you prefer to talk to -- the well-practiced conversationalist who says all the right things, or the person who may not be quite as smooth but has a genuine interest in you and what you think? Let's stop acting interested and let's be interested. You'll thank yourself -- and so will others.
6. Time: We can always make more money and more things, but we can never make more time. Regardless of the level of wealth we may enjoy, it will never buy us additional time. How we spend our time and who we spend it with is an important signal to what we deem most important. If you want to know what's important to someone, look at the appointments, engagements, or activities that are never missed. This is a time valuation, and people act accordingly. To truly appreciate others and have them in turn appreciate us, we have to invest some of our most precious commodity. Many a person has lain upon a deathbed and questioned the wisdom of where his or her time was spent. Why not show appreciation for our limited time, whatever it may be, by investing it in others. We'll be grateful and so will those in whom we've invested.
7. Understanding: We can't truly relate to someone and fully appreciate all that person has been through unless we have walked the proverbial mile in their shoes. Beyond our level of interest in people lies our capacity and desire to understand them. We are often so quick to want to be heard and to be understood that we tragically overlook the necessity of seeking understanding. Or, as Stephen Covey says, we need to seek to understand before we attempt to be understood. Understanding shows caring and caring is what people want to see in us before revealing their innermost thoughts. We're all thankful for those special friends. Isn't true friendship built on understanding? We know our closest friends, and they know us. Yet somehow, we love each other anyway. Take time to understand.
8. Differentiation: People of gratitude set themselves apart in their attitudes and actions. They appear different because they are different. Thankful people have a certain humility and approach-ability that draws others to them. Thankful people tend to be happier people who smile more often and in turn cause others to smile. Gratitude for the little things helps them to understand and accept the larger blessings that inevitably come their way. Let's not simply be content to act different. Let's resolve to be different and make that differentiation a part of our gratitude legacy.
9. Edification: Grateful people are more likely to lift up others and find the good in them -- and there is good in everyone. Because people who express gratitude are generally happier with themselves they are more likely to see the good in others and acknowledge that good through edification. Everyone likes to be recognized and appreciated for their positive qualities and contributions. Thankful people are comfortable with themselves and are not threatened by the success of others. They are natural encouragers are not afraid to show it. May we say all the good we can, wherever we can, and as often as we can.

How do you spell out gratitude in your own life and in the lives of others? Are you practicing any or all of the nine attributes mentioned here? What would be different if you did? Thank you for taking time to read this article. It is much appreciated.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Author's Note: A special thanks to OldQuotes.com for sharing my quote.

About the Author: Terry Crouson is most thankful to be the Owner and Head Coach at Silver Coach Solutions, LLC and is currently doing business as The Growth Coach of West Metro Detroit. He is dedicated to helping business owners, executives, entrepreneurs, sales professionals, and self-employed professionals find their way by finding their why. He is a highly respected business coach, speaker, facilitator, and community builder. Terry is certified in the Strategic Mindset Process, and is also a DISC Certified Behavioral Consultant.

Does Chance Come Before Change?

If this current election cycle taught us anything, it taught us people have strong opinions -- and those opinions drive a variety of human emotions such as, joy, sorrow, fear, courage, optimism, pessimism, and more. One of the central themes or questions that seems to be emerging is whether true change can take place, even more specifically whether the opportunity to change is warranted or deserved.

This is the question many people seem to be asking in terms of the president-elect, and at least one outlet of the mainstream media. Since the announcement confirming the results of the presidential election, a firestorm of opinion has been ignited on social media, particularly Facebook. Specifically, there are two questions that are emerging in one form or another. One side is asking: Why won't you give the president-elect, Donald Trump, a chance to prove he can be an effective president? While the other seems to be asking: Why should we give him a chance?

More recently The New York Times has issued an apology for its coverage of the presidential election and now wants, in the publisher's words, to "rededicate ourselves to the fundamental mission of Times journalism." The question the publisher seems to be asking is: Will you give us a chance to prove we can be fair and unbiased in our reporting? Based on the discussion running across social media, there is no clear consensus -- at least not yet.

So it seems that these two examples are pointing in the direction of the larger question and that is: Can change come before chance? Let's look at our own lives. One of the hardest things we can do is institute effective change in our habits, our thinking, and our actions. We often use the data we have stored in our experiences, opinions, and biases to ask ourselves the why should I or why wouldn't I question. If we calculate the risk based on the information we already have, we're probably going to make a predictable choice. While it seems to be safe, is it really in our best interest? Will we actually grow or become stagnant -- or worse yet, regress?

The unknown can be a scary place, but if we never step into it how will we ever develop the courage and the character we need to fuel our biggest and best accomplishments? How will the Times? How will the nation? In other words, how will we ever become the very best version of ourselves if don't pressure-test our system? The old adage says; ships are usually safe in the harbor, but that's not what ships are for. They can only fulfill their true mission and purpose if they face the uncertainty of the open sea. We can equip and extensively prepare ourselves -- and we should. But, at some point we need to take what we have out for a larger test. We need to take a chance to get the benefit of the greater change.

Does the president-elect, Donald Trump deserve a chance? Does the New York Times deserve a chance? Do you, in the successes and failures of your life, deserve a chance? That's up to you decide, but consider this: How will any of the above prove the ability to change if we don't provide the chance?

As always, your comments and opinions are welcome.

Also published on LinkedIn

Note: A special thanks to OldQuotes.com for adding the author's quote to its collection.