Mistakes, Missteps, & Misunderstandings

""By seeking and blundering, we learn." Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

While it is our best intention to do right and to be right, we often fall short. Imperfections and frailties are part of the human experience. We are imperfect people living in an imperfect world. We make imperfect decisions and take imperfect actions. And sometimes, we just get it wrong -- and no one is immune.

Like the proverbial elephant in the room, failing to recognize and acknowledge our own inevitable shortcomings, only prolongs the pain and can short-circuit our desired success due to damaged relationships, mistrust, and uncertainty. Also like the COPD commercial in which the elephant is sitting on the chest of some unfortunate soul, these things can crush the life out of us and destroy our confidence --  or at the very least, render us ineffective. Isn't it time to ask the elephant to leave?

As we know failure is part of the growth process. However, it is one thing to know and another to apply this knowledge to our own situation, or to that of someone close to us. It is hard and it takes courage, humility, and a whole lot of patience. While there are probably numerous categories in which our failures can be revealed, I want to take a look at what I believe to be the top three.

Mistakes: Sometimes we make the wrong decision. The path we chose can simply be the wrong path for us. Although usually based on the best information we have at the time, at some point it becomes apparent a serious mistake has been made. Often our mistake comes as a result of carelessness, sloppy thinking and poor research. However it occurs, there comes a time when we have to face it and fix it -- and the longer we delay, the heavier the consequences. Fixing a mistake may involve swallowing our pride and asking for help or even forgiveness. Until we are either dead or totally incapacitated, nothing is unfix-able, but it may take a bit of time and effort to remove the eraser marks.

Missteps: We may be on the right path, but we may be taking some wrong turns or finding detours and distractions along the way. In this case, there is nothing wrong with the decision, only the execution on the planned route. This is where a true PDCA process is needed. Plan it, do it, check the result, and then make the adjustment. Most of us are fairly good at the planning stage and we may even have a good amount of do in us. However, if we're not checking the result and then making needed adjustments, the path becomes longer or veers off into an entirely different destination. It may appear we made a serious mistake, but it may be more a matter of tracing our steps and finding out where we went wrong. The PDCA process should be part of our road map with mile markers clearly identified as points of analysis.

Misunderstandings: Just the use of the word indicates we're probably talking about a communication problem -- either with ourselves or others. Most likely it is probably both. Our intentions, no matter how pure, can and will be misconstrued. We'll choose the wrong words, say the wrong thing, and even create confusion. Our emotions can get in the way and create a little bit of havoc in our relationships. People of great passion probably run this risk as well as people of great pride. We may have a great vision, but it means nothing if we can't clearly articulate it. We may be absolutely certain we are right, but what good will it do us if no one is there to see it come to fruition.

As a DISC certified behavioral consultant, I am the first to realize that people are different with different temperaments, learning preferences, and behavioral styles. As an imperfect human, I also forget and sometimes plow through as if everyone thinks and acts exactly like me. Painful, but true. Newsflash: We don't always know what's good for everyone, so let's stop dispensing our own brand of medicine.

Asking for clarification and forgiveness when necessary -- and it is probably more necessary than we think -- takes courage, humility and a loving heart. If we really care, we'll make our relationships and our communication a priority. If someone is asking your forgiveness and your restoration, I hope you'll have the same courage, humility, and love to accept and restore.

Today, I hope we can recognize the imperfect nature of ourselves and the imperfect nature of others. Let us be quick to change, quick to apologize, quick to forgive, quick to accept forgiveness, and quick to move to the door, open it, and ask the elephant to leave -- and never return. 

More personally, if I have failed you in any way, please forgive me and let us open the door to a new day, a new destination, and a new relationship.